Tuesday, September 17, 2013

沒答案的第六感

昨晚發了一個很危險的夢
睡在馮生旁邊本是安全到極點的
夢醒了之後發覺自己有點在抖的感覺

其實這幾年來也有第兩、三次吧
每次發夢見到「他」總是覺得有一種力量在告訴我
他不開心了 壓力大了 事事不順了
好像總有些東西在提點我有人需要關懷了 需要疼惜了
有點像人家說雙胞胎龍鳳胎的心靈感應一樣
依然 我還是希望他選擇的路是好的
希望我的夢是錯的

半夜睡不著幹麼好呢...
我竟然選擇了做一點讓自己更睡不著的東西

翻開很久以前的emails
太久以前了差點找不到以為被刪掉
一封一封的讀下去
每一封仔細看得很投入
當時他也應該都寫得很投入吧
幾十封這樣的email書信來往
看完之後很有歎息的感覺
一對好好的戀人 明明以前疼大家到極點
現在卻變成最討厭的陌路人

大家的承諾沒有守 說好的愛沒有延續
關係變質到一個地步我都無法接受
態度差了 當初相愛的理由也滅了
想著想著 又讓我記得生命真的很短很脆弱
現在擁有的應該加倍珍惜
說不定下一秒我有什麼意外就消失於這世上
想著又笑了
嗯 告訴自己明天早上起來
一定要第一時間好好的提醒馮生以後要加倍的愛惜我

經過了這麼多事情
其實 我還是那個喜歡吃麵在家裡看電視的傻女人
我沒有為誰去定下這個喜歡 也不會為誰去改變

xoxo

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Friday, September 13, 2013

Smile because...


Smile because it's sweater season.
Smile because SB PSL is back.
Smile because HB loves me even if I am fat.
Smile because in 78 days we will be in HK & Taiwan.
Smile because it's PhillipLim x Target this weekend.
Smile because it is Friday.

Smile, just because you can.

Hope you will all have a great weekend and thank you so much for reading!

xoxo

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Thursday, September 12, 2013

大結局



因為上個禮拜有點忙的關係
這星期才有時間看衝上雲宵大結局

最近心情還非常的藍
多愁善感的我這幾天淚線更加發達
為戲裡或戲外我都從頭到尾哭得一塌糊塗
開心的 傷心的 感動的 心酸的 不捨的
一點點的對白都說到我心坎裡

忙上班下班 生活 忙照顧體諒別人
發覺只有在看電視劇的時候
我才有藉口給自己失控地哭
為別人的對白哭
不用解釋流淚的理由
三年累積起來的眼淚
一下子就用乾

用了十年時間去等這電視劇
始終也會大結局
十年後會有續集嗎
十年後又會有誰從我們的生命中離開
想到這裡 淚盈滿眼眶...
應該需要一段比自己想象中還要長的時間去放空
去明白我們什麼都不是
只是一堆有感覺的塵埃


Monday, September 9, 2013

...


人生就是這樣,得失無常,福禍相依,凡是路過的,都算是風景。
一段情,某件事,能佔據記憶的,皆是幸福。
等走遠了再回望,你才發現,挫敗讓人堅強,别離令人珍惜,傷痛使人澄清。
再美好的東西,你也無法擁有太久,得到的都是短暫。
失去的曾經,亦不必太留念。

入土為安,只有從過去中站起,明天才會有希望。

/RIP/

Saturday, September 7, 2013

It's been bugging me. How should I start. 

So a lot of things happened for these two, three weeks. Actually maybe not a lot of things, but things that happened within these couple weeks are all significant items. It's been a very, very depressing time. I know during this time, I have affected the ones that are around the emotional me. I am deeply sorry. I don't think I can ever get used to a situation like this. Very sadly to say, and we all know it from the beginning, it is part of a life cycle. This triggered my endless pondering for the past couple weeks...

"Every beginning has an end." 
Why do we spend all of our lives trying to make things perfect, work things out, compromise situations, when all in the end, it comes nothing but dust. We work hard, learn hard, love hard, and in the end, we get hurt really hard. It's like you build a perfect scenario, tell a perfect story, everyone is smiling - and then you close the book, and burn it, literally. There is not a word to describe the hatred I have for the crematorium.

This is an 'experience' that I should note down for myself. I need to note every part of this pain, remember all the crying faces, practice it, so it will be more 'normal' when it is my turn - because those days will come. One day, I will lose all of my loved ones. And by then, no matter how smart you were in school, how hard you've worked to make money, how much stress you have came through to maintain living life; there is nothing you can do to create that perfect picture where those people will leave never you. As soon as it happens, you will never be able to touch or feel them again, you will never be able to argue or talk to them again, and that is ever ever. There is absolutely nothing you can do except gazing upon some random shining stars.

What's the point of putting my money in investments to fight inflation, when you, yourself, will deflate in the end? My money is happy in its chequeing account.

Just 'whatever'. 

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